Dec 23, 2008

Mr. Penis at the Xmas Party:

I was invited to one of the air carriers Christmas parties. A quite attractive woman in her late twenties, pregnant, about 8 months was there. She started talking to me. I tried to get away but she just kept babbling away. Then she mentioned how her husband has neglected her for the past 5 months and how horny she is. Well Mr. Penis heard the word, 'Horny' and that was enough for him. I got a big bulge in my pants, it was noticeable. She said, 'You don't want to waste that hard-on do you?'
Well damn, we were off to a quiet spot where I rode the hump. My first pregnant screw job. I have to admit, it was great.
Mr. Penis was also happy.

Hello everybody,
Thank you for visiting my post.
Mr. Penis loves the attention.
I hope everyone has a great Holiday and a prosperous 2009.
I won't be posting anything new now until after New Years.
See you then.

Dec 22, 2008

Mr. Penis Meets All Kinds of Women

So working at the club Saturday night, I picked up this woman at closing. A real hottie to look at. We went back to my place. She wanted to take a shower before getting into bed. When she came out wearing just one of my towels she walks over to the light and turns it off leaving only the bathroom light on. I was all ready in bed. She immediately started going down on Mr. Penis. Well into the oral act, she stops, turns around and mounts me so she is facing away toward the opposite wall. She started riding it like it was her last ride to nowhere land. Wow she made Mr. Penis explode. She just gets up and runs into the bathroom and pukes her guts out. I am thinking WTF. So I asked her what's up. She said, 'Sorry, I never look at a guy when I ma having sex, I hate men.'
So I am a little piss, and she starts getting dressed to go home as nothing happened.
So Mr. Penis is ready for round two.
So I come up from behind her and say, 'It's ok, we all have some type of hang-up.'
So I throw her onto the bed face down, and start pounded her from behind. She is squirming.
I stop, but don't let her up.
I reach for the KY Lube, slap some on Mr. Penis.
Change her position to dogie on the bed.
I shove it up her butt hole. She is really squirming now, begging me to stop but I pound her harder and harder.
I slap her ass a few times and tell her to STFU.
She settles down and I start pounding her hard and deep while pulling on her boobs.
Mr. Penis explodes his wad into her tight poop chute hole and I pull out and go straight into the shower.
She comes in and says, 'What was that all about?' I reply, 'What was what all about?'
She says, 'That last minute fucking my ass before I leave you bastard.'
I simply said, 'If you're gonna hate men, then I want to be at the top of your list (now I am laughing). I hear her stomping out, peek out of the shower, and hear the my apartment door slam shut.
Oh well, Mr. Penis was satisfied.
He was ready for sleepy time and so was I.

Dec 20, 2008

Mr. Penis Hates Cold Weather

It's damn cold here in New York, the weather is miserable.
Even Mr. Penis doesn't want to come out and play.
JFK is a zoo this time of year.

I worked a double shift, 16-hours, and I am just waking up.
I had a pee hard-on but Mr. Penis refused to let me pee before I satisfied him.
So I had to masturbate this morning.
I was just about to take a shower when this really fine black girl that I occasionally see called me up. She wants me to come over and stuff her stocking.
I am tired but since she offered to make up some hot coco, with hot soup, and a grilled cheese sandwich, I am carrying my tired butt over to her place.
After food, Mr. Penis will assume full responsibility for the best of the afternoon.

Have a great weekend and a Happy Holiday.
And, guys get laid whenever possible.

Dec 19, 2008

Mr. Penis Finds New Territory:

Working many hours at the airport I had a chance to meet up with a flight attendant from one of those Middle East Airlines. This girl was hot for a white guy. Mr. Penis took one look at her and jump up like an Irishman at the pub during last call. It took a little smoozing but in about half hour we were off doing it. Wow she was ready. I gave it too her twice. She was a squirmer and a screamer combined. That was one damn horny Arab girl. Mr. Penis was ready to convert to Islam.

Dec 17, 2008

Mr. Penis Gets a CheerGirl:

Back in high school I was a real stud muffin, a jock. I was on the wrestling team. There was this young cheerleader, couple years behind me on the junior varsity squad. She wanted me something terrible. So Mr. Penis was ever so obliging. He pump every hole that girl had. One he pumped twice.

Dec 15, 2008

Mr. Penis wants it:

A new girl moved into my apartment building this weekend.
She was bending over picking up some things as I was getting off work. She asked me to help. Of course I never can say no to a pretty lady in need. I was coming off a 12 hour shift so I was pretty tired but Mr. Penis was ready to go. Unfortunately I wasn't. So I helped her out for about an hour, excused myself, took a shower, and headed for the sack. Mr. Penis was very angry, he kept waking me the hell up.

Dec 13, 2008

Mr. Penis Was Happy Today:

Working as a doorman / bouncer at the club last Wednesday night, this young sweet thing moseyed in with two of her friends. She stayed until closing but her friends had all ready left. She walked up and said to me, 'I love Italian Hunks.' Mr. Penis woke up and the rest was a night of endless sex. Even Mr. Penis was tired in the morning but still had one more bang around to go.
Unfortunately I had to go to work, and it was a rough day for me.
A very rough day.

Dec 12, 2008

Mr. Penis Gets Excited Over the "P" Word

That damn Mr. Penis, anytime he here's the word, 'Pussy' it's like an Army Bugle playing Reveille for wake call. I was watching this comedian, and he mentioned pussy and Mr. Penis jumped right up and starting looking around for it.
This is a funny youtube video : Darcy Michael - Vaginal Rejuvenation

Dec 11, 2008

Mr. Penis Hates My Rules

He gets so damn pissed off at me over my sexual encounter rules, which simply are:
1. I never allow Mr. Penis go to a strange place without putting on a sock.
2. Experience from my youth has taught me, I never bang friends of the family, specifically someone my mother may know.
3. I don't do wise guy sisters, mothers, or girlfriends.
4. I just can't give him the attention he deserves. After all I have a job, so just because he pops up without warning I don't run to the nearest mens room and masturbate to give him the pleasure.

Dec 10, 2008

Mr. Penis Keeps Calling Me:

It was back in my high school years. I wanted a BJ from this girl. She agreed but said hay don't cum in my mouth. I said, 'sure no problem.' She said, 'YOU promise now, you will not cum in my mouth.' Again, I said, 'Yes baby I wont cum in you mouth.' So she started stroking it, I took her by the back of the head, and she went down on it sucking, licking, and slurping away. Suddenly Mr. Penis exploded, she pulled out, cum dripping from her mouth the rest shot all over her face. She said. 'You bastard, you bastard you promised you wouldn't cum in my mouth.' I simply replied, 'Yeah but it was Mr. Penis, he didn't promise.' I smiled zipped up my pants and walked away with her standing there!
I'm telling you that damn Mr. Penis makes me lie.

Dec 9, 2008

He Just Wont Leave Me Alone:

I had to go for my routine dental exam and teeth cleaning yesterday, and the dentist has this receptionist with huge boobs. Soon as Mr. Penis saw her, he stood up like a giant tree limb hanging from my trunk. I couldn't get him to go down. So when she called me to go in it got worse, the dental hygienist was young and sexy as well. Everyone saw the huge bulge in my pants. The girls just smiled but I was so embarrassed.

Dec 8, 2008

What Mr. Penis Likes:

He is having a great time, when he's pounding her pussy hard and she explodes in a frenzied orgasm.
When he's shoving it down her throat and she takes it all in without gagging and throwing up.
When she sits on Mr. Penis and rides it like a wild bull at a packed rodeo.
When she's getting butt rammed and she's squirming like a pig going to slaughter.
Best of times when she gets a full juicy sticky facial and wants him inside her.
Mr. Penis is really in heaven when the girl says, 'you're the biggest one I've ever had.'

Dec 7, 2008

Dec 5, 2008

A YouTube Video - How to measure your penis, WITHOUT CHEATING!!

Remember, Mr. Penis is BIG, he is 7.5" Long and has a big girth (diameter).
So here is a little video from youtube I found to let you know just how to compare.

Dec 4, 2008

Mr. Penis Gets Some at Work

I was working the private hangers the other day at JFK.
This nice young PR girl was cleaning one of the private jet setters planes when she noticed me.
Soon as she smiled Mr. Penis got excited.
He made me strike up a conversation with the girl.
She noticed the gleam in my eye and the bulge in my pants.
So we went onto the private jet and did it.
Ooooooh My Mr. Penis was so pleased that day.

Dec 3, 2008

Mr. Penis....

Would like to take this moment to thank everyone who has posted a comment and/or is following this blog. I will try and post comments to your blogs as well. I will follow every blog that follows Mr. Penis, he loves the attention he's getting.
More escapades of Mr. Penis tomorrow.

Dec 2, 2008

Mr. Penis Wants You To Know.....

In response to some comments and inquiries on Mr. Penis losing his virginity, I have this to add.
Yes I did spend a lot of time masturbating, I still do, it's a man thing, real men do it!
When I was 13-years-old, this girl fourteen in the neighborhood asked me if she could pet my puppy. I said, 'I don't have a puppy, my mother wont let us have pets.' She said, 'Every guy has a puppy, lets go into the alley and I'll walk your dog.' Hey I was a little slow, but Mr. Penis knew what she was talking about, he reared his head up and bulged my tight Levi jeans. So we went into the alleyway, she started stroking it, and then all of the sudden stuck it in her mouth. That's when I got my first blowjob. I was biting my finger trying not to cum. But all the sudden it just went off, like a two-barrel shotgun. I thought I was going to blow the back of this girl's head out. She started choking and spitting, then she slapped me across the face and said, 'You stupid bastard, don't you know you're suppose to tell me when your going to cum?' I responded with a smile, and said, 'No this is my first one, do you wanna show me your boobs?' So she slapped me again. Damn I sure learned a lesson the hard way about women. But what the hell, Mr. Penis was so happy. I thought about her for weeks on end, and every time I did I Mr. Penis got hard and erect, and I had to find a quiet place to stroke him back to sleep.

Dec 1, 2008

Mr. Penis has a Memory

This young thing that lives in my building really had the hots for me. One day she hears me coming home from the gym, she steps out into the hallway (I live in a high rise apartment building) with just a towel on, and drops it right there in front of me, she was really fine, young, firm, a real beauty. It didn't take Mr. Penis a second glance to get hard and erect. The problem was she was only 17. So I said, lovely, very lovely but no, come back when you're 18. She graduated a few months later, and turned 18 in late June, so she came back and Mr. Penis was so happy, he sure remembered her.